13.1 or Bust

13.1 - check!

I went 13.1 miles on foot!
3 hours, 14 minutes, 57 seconds later.

I trained for hours, weeks, and months for this one race.

I wanted to prove to myself I could do hard things.

Green check-marks were my motivation

Race weekend came and went and I am still reflecting on what happened.

It wasn't anything like I imagined.  It wasn't fun.  It was seriously the hardest thing I have ever done. A friend at the finish line made me feel a little better when she said, "childbirth was easier than this!" {if that is the case, bring on the babies}

In our corral waiting for our turn

The support and excitement I received from friends and family leading up the the race was amazing.  People were proud of me and I hadn't even made it to the finish line yet.  The emails, cards, Facebook posts, gifts, and cheerleaders on the sideline is what got me through every mile.  I hated every moment of the race, and I wanted to walk off more times than not. I just kept telling myself, "one more mile" and "you trained for this" 

Friends make torture running better, right?

All smiles at the start line 

I didn't give up.  The closer I got the finish line the more excited I got because I knew my loved ones would be there cheering me on those last few steps...  

I never heard them and they never saw me.

  My heart broke.  

I just completed my first {and only} mini-marathon and no one saw me cross that finish line.  I know they were as disappointed as me and their hearts broke too.  I know it didn't change the fact that they were proud of me, and understood the accomplishment but for me it almost feels as if I didn't complete the race.  

Days after the race and I am still waiting to feel a sense of pride and accomplishment.  I am waiting for that high and excitement to do another race, but it isn't there.  

I am confused.  This isn't me.  I am hard on myself but not this hard.  I often choose not to show my excitement for my own achievements, but I would have that sense of pride deep down and all I can find is frustration.  I can't help but tear up when I think about the day.

I am a half-marathon finisher!

I knew enough people that have run this course before that I had a pretty good idea what I was getting myself into, but there were still things I couldn't prepare myself for.  These are the things I am trying to process and tell myself it is no reason to quit...

• The Indy 500 track is a long 2.5 miles, that was not good on my hips and knees
• My shoes! Although fit for me at a running store, they were the cause of many frustrations and pain.
• Walkers walking 4-people wide and inconsiderate of those trying to pass
• 13.6 miles is not 13.1 miles.  My tracker on my phone gave me almost exactly the same finishing time as my electronic chip but a difference of 0.5 miles! Half mile is a significant difference in my book and talk about discouraging. 

I said going into this race, I will never run another half-marathon and after my experience I definitely won't be back.  I will continue to run, but I think a 5K is more my style. 

Who wants to join me for 3.1 miles? 

Our first race together!

Thank you to everyone that supported me through my training and then sent their love and good luck vibes my way for race weekend.  You kept me going.  I now have a new respect for runners and they will forever hold a special place in my heart.  

On Your Mark, Get Set, GO!

I have a bucket list that I am writing everyday.  

Every new day brings new opportunities and challenges.  I am always up for a new adventure because I want to be the best-version-of-myself and I do this by succeeding and failing.

With that being said, the current bucket list item I am working on checking off...

Run a mini-marathon!

miles?

This might not seem like a big deal but, let me just say I HATE RUNNING.  Running is dumb.  I want to love it. I imagine myself gracefully flying through the miles without a worry in the world, but it is NEVER that easy.  Never.

I ask myself the following questions every time I run: 

Why are you doing this again? 

Why do you like feeling like you can't breathe?

Have I completed a mile yet?

How am I EVER going to get to mile 13?

Needless to say, I signed myself up for a min-marathon and I WILL cross that finish line!

Once I make it to about mile 2 I remember I can do hard things and I can push past my limits and become stronger (or my body is just numb and I don't know the difference). Training for the mini has allowed some time for self-refection (what else am I suppose to do for hours?) 

Here are some things I have learned in my few short weeks of training:

• I get to see my best friend at the end of all the training
• Andrew and I are doing something new together
• It is expensive if you want to do it right (shoes, socks, clothes, running fanny-pack, goos, etc.)
•  It is easy to feel defeated 
• The treadmill is the worst even with Netflix
• I push myself more than I give myself credit for
• Setting small goals and rewarding myself help 
• A slow jog gets me to the next mile faster than walking
• I am determined 
• I can do this!

This past weekend on my long run, I tripped and fell right to my knees.  People saw me.  I wanted to give-up.  I wanted to hide.  But I didn't, I got up and I continued running until I finished the distance I needed, 1.5 more miles to be exact.  

Sometimes we have to be our biggest cheerleaders.  We have to believe in ourselves first because otherwise we won't understand why we have cheerleaders on the sidelines.  We have to start somewhere and sometimes that means stepping out of our comfort zones.  We might not be the first across the finish line but winning looks different for everyone and we will celebrate all victories. 

Adventuring together is my favorite